Sunday, December 28, 2008

Friday, December 26, 2008

The Steve Irwin

I am going to learn how to tie some sea worthy knots, because I want to protect whales.

Monday, December 22, 2008

OR FOR.

If not for my ever dwindling groups of Lincoln friends.
Or for a higher per capita of heavy drinkers and smokers.
Or for real beards and non-chain but pretentious coffee shops.
Or for my favorite little place to sit downtown.

I will still come back. To Lincoln. Or anywhere I have frequented in NE. As often as possible.

For this reason.

(curtains part, man [me] sits in front of Starbucks in the dim glow provided by the lights in front of the shop, reading a thick book and smoking a hand rolled cigarette, wearing a black formal military jacket over a faded clever t-shirt, embarrassingly pre-faded jeans, and overly broken-in army boots. A light sprinkle covers the sidewalk intermittently, a few clouds cover half of Orion, the temperature hovers around 50 degrees.)

(stupid old man enters stage left, wearing a stupid t-shirt and stupid shorts)

S.O.M.: "Aren't you cold out here?"
Me: "Fuck, no."

(End scene)

If I either, a. start wearing shorts or b. grow a weather vagina, please have some sort of intervention for me.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

My greatest fear is that creative humor has to go down the toilet as you get older.

Today
for the first time in four years I changed my voicemail message.

It was time.... and my boss told me to because mine was unprofessional.

Monday, December 8, 2008

What do you believe in?


Anti-aging makeup or Anti-aging skin cream?

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Today is a new day.

So i finally cleaned out my car today. Its been months that the mound in my back seat has been growing. For so long I drove around in shame when I had to tell people, "sorry, I can't give more than one passenger a ride." Thanks to the recycling service that my parents now subscribe to, I can finally get rid of all the recyclable waste I have been waiting to recycle. So anyway, I thought I would blog about an idea I had a while ago but never got around to posting.

I was driving to UNK a few weeks ago and in a surprisingly good mood. I was listening to my favorite "classic pop" stations and felt like I was on top of the world. This Bryan Adams song came on the radio. Maybe you remember it, "Have you ever really loved a woman?". It was written for the movie Don Juan DeMarco starring Johnny Depp and Marlon Brando about a psycho who thinks he's... you guessed it, Don Juan DeMarco.

Anyway, the point is, every time I hear this five-minute ballad I think about how ridiculous it is that the word "really" takes up (what seems like) 18 percent of the song's lyrics.

This is where the blog comes in.
I got to thinking that this song could become one component of a drinking game. Every time you hear the word "really", take a drink. This would of course be difficult because some lines of the song are "have you ever really, really really ever loved a woman... to really love a woman.. really... really... really..."

So I kept digging into this idea that the game is tied to the blog. So like, people would all get online, one person would post their contribution to the game. For example, I would start the game off by posting the Bryan Adams song, the premise of the round, and then a link to the song/video. We'd play out that round, people would blog comments and then someone else would post a new round that people can complete from satellite locations.

I don't know. I tried running through my head how this scenario would play out. Is it feasible? Would it be any fun? What would people come up with?...

Saturday, December 6, 2008

If an IPA isn't above 6% alcohol, it's not worth drinking.

We should either use this post to vote on ideas to write about or Evil should just pick something. We could make it a playoffs for voting. All submit one idea, all vote once but you can't vote for your own idea? Math is fuzzy right now. Don't know how that would turn out.

I'm going to be in Lincoln in a week.

Friday, December 5, 2008

If you have any telescope lens or an old projector lens just...laying around,


Projecting your ipod




If I had not destroyed all my ipods I would do this. So go on, try it out and let me know how it goes.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

These things are why I start drinking heavily during the holidays and wake up in March.

Well, Markitect and I started off with a bang, posting a little, commenting, thinking.
Then M. Peror and Evil Sol did some more stuff with pics and videos which is nearly beyond my ability. Just saying I'll hopefully write something soon.

And to make the most common theme on here be Pet Death, I announce that my dog of 16 and a half years is being put down tomorrow. She is more important to me than a lot of people in my life. I'd write more about it, but I can't.

Saturday, November 22, 2008


Some of you may be aware that my brother and his girlfriend had me take care of their rabbit since neither of them are living in their own place right now.

Some of you may also be aware that since then, the rabbit has died. It was on November 4.

I haven't told my brother yet. Other key family members, i.e. my parents know about this.

I don't really know what I am waiting for. My brother hasn't mentioned the rabbit to me once probably because he's afraid I'll ask for money to keep it fed and in clean bedding, maybe a new bigger cage.

Recently, I started telling more people about my predicament and their reaction tells me one thing.... I need to do something. I can't put this off forever.

So as I was breaking the bad news to my brother in an email, a link to a craig's list page came up, advertising a black/brown dwarf rabbit (one year old) for sale for 15 bucks.

I recognize fate when I see it!

Thursday, November 20, 2008

The future is now!









We've been promised ancient frozen extinct beasts before ( Jurassic park series, Encino Man, et.all), but I have a feeling they( science) mean it this time. So this is going to happen in what, 2o years? From what I've heard, the world will be on fire by then, the question is, do we really want to bring an innocent and naive creature into that world? Where will we keep it? I mean I suspect all the climates of the woolly mammoth will be melted and tropical by then. And who would raise the little guy? It would be an orphan- left to the cruel plots of zoolgists who might dress up as a pair of mom and pop woolly mammoths to recreate some normalcy ( see captive bred california condors....)




As much as I would like to see these species in the here and now, I'm not sure if I support this effort. Can't we focus on...taking care of the awesome things that are on the verge of extinction? Maybe we can do both.



question: If the opportunity to carry a Neanderthal embryo came along, would you take it?





Monday, November 17, 2008

Road Warrior

I put 17.78 gallons of gas in my car this afternoon.  Its an 18 gallon tank.

Talk about living dangerously.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

I've had like three ideas of things to write about.

But I hate typing on a laptop. So when my puter gets here, I should be able to dish some stuff out. If I'm not to busy playing the new expansion for LORD OF THE RINGS ONLINE. Just got a gameboner looking at that site.

Ideas I had:
It took Beyonce for me to watch SNL. I was not disappointed. Gist was, if I could have her body as my own, I think I might take it. And be a lesbian.

Trying not to smoke as much, but it makes me hungry all the time, nearly insatiable. I'm really trying not to get fat.

Hearing Christmas music bothers me when it's 80 degrees out.

I am the only man with a real beard where I live.

Probably had more, but this typing is killing me.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Security Cameras

make me feel less secure. I just saw, on one of 4 screens, a ghostly image of a possum running up the driveway .

Thursday, November 13, 2008

I added one note, so it's a different blog.

Evil Sol
Markitect = bad ass tough guy/girl names
Metalsmith

So just saying M, you're "Under Pressure." Don't puss up the bunch.

when i don't drink... I blog

Markitect I have some assignments for you:

  • Create a drinking game


  • Discuss romance


  • Anything relating to voicemail

Getting old

I decided to spend more time at home and after being here for two hours my mom is already forcing me to watch The Young and the Restless (which I used to love back in the day when it was good but now... garbage). Every now and again my mom will rewind to watch people freak out and she'll mutter under her breath "mmmhm.... mmmmhm"

totally bizzare

also my parents are buggin about why I haven't gotten my diploma yet.

what a drag

tisk tisk

test

IT WILL BE SO

I look into getting Zach's name changed.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I'm not afraid.

Ok. This is just house issues post. For us. Mainly me.
#1 a. Is my name on here permanently going to be Zach? I thought I would be able to change it. I need to change it.
b. I also would like some feedback on my name if I can change it. I will probably make it Metalsmith. It's this crazy multiple entendre name I use for me. Thoughts are/were "I love metal, last name is Smith; I write metal, hence a crafter or smither of it; and now as Eva has referred to me Black Smith (did I tell you the story Margaret?), metalsmith is a synonym for blacksmith (this online game i play, the armorers are called metalsmiths, that is privy info, i am=huge nerd). I like it, I don't know why I'm asking for approval. It's what I want, damn it.
c. Margaret, M makes me think of Bond's boss. Sweet. Except it's been Judy Dench lately.
#2 Can I get emails somehow whenever there's a post or comment? I couldn't figure this out. I feel like John McCain. I feel so lucky. I also may need to be taught things like posting pics or videos though I think I know what I'm doing. Even if I don't know what I'm doing, I'll act like I do. That makes me feel like Barack. Downhome Barack though. You see that ad or something about if his name was Barack Smith or Barry Obama ( my bro told me about it)? My dad's name is Barry Smith.
#3 We should start writing stuff, get our bloglegs. Some of us may need to learn to write more (maybe me), some less (maybe Eva (oh man the battles begin)), some may need to learn to use parentheses less (Margaret, cause I have nothing to make fun of you for in my head right now(I'm hilarious, probably cause I'm drinking a beer after two days of sobriety, smokeless and boozeless till now))
#4 Right now, I feel like I have alot to say about my move. But I also feel like nothing has happened. I guess I could write about those conflicting feelings. I don't know what I think about writing just for the sake of writing. We should write about that in these premature blogulations.

This is what being forgettable sounds like...

"Dear XXX

Thank you for agreeing to participate in our Multi-Cultural pot-luck and Diversity Panel this Thursday, November 13, 11:30 a.m. – 1:00 p.m. We meet in the Lower Level Conference Room at Family Service, 501 S. 7th Street (7th and “J”) in Lincoln, two blocks west of the County/City building. Sue tells me that we’ve met, although my memory fails me today."

ppppprrreeeeettttttttyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy slick.




Monday, May 12, 2008

Amanda Reads Blogs

I want Amanda to read this blog.